Have you ever tried watching an English sitcom on mute in
India? Even the most serious show becomes absolutely hilarious - thanks to the
censored words replaced with something less offensive to suit the Indian
sensibilities. Common words, used even the most harmlessly, get replaced, which
makes for some very amusing reading. Imagine what our everyday conversations
would be like if they got edited like that.
You go to your friend’s baby shower and you have the
following conversation. Italicized words are substitutions of their ‘offensive’
versions-
You – ‘Hey sweetie! Congratulations to the mom to be! So,
how you doing?’
Friend – ‘Great ya, if only I
could sleep at night!’
You – ‘Oh crap!
That’s too bad, but it will only get worse. All the best! So do you know if
it’s a boy or girl?’
Friend – ‘Not at all! Don’t you know pre-natal
***-determination is banned in India? But it would have helped to know, I would
have gotten the right clothes.’
You – ‘You know that harlot
Neena got it done in the US when she went to stay with her brother.’
Friend – ‘But she had a normal delivery you know. It must
have hurt like inferno’
You – ‘Can’t believe even a ***t like her could chestfeed her baby’
Friend - ‘Well, you never know, motherhood is a life
changing experience’
You – ‘That calls for a toast! Rears
up!’
If that reads funny, imagine watching a curse – word loaded
movie like ‘The Departed’. It is either hilariously substituted or
frustratingly bleeped out. You can’t even ‘try’ to enjoy it. So watching a late
night movie while others are sleeping will only turn out to be more of a
headache than entertainment.
I wish the TV channels would do the subtitles more sensibly
than mindlessly substituting words even where not required. That would
definitely make TV watching more fun.
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