As March marches on...

March has typically been a high significance month in my life. It has always brought with it trials, endings and new beginnings. Sometimes, the trials of March would mark the completion of one thing, which meant the beginning of a new one-progress-as you may call it. Like when there was a change of class or a place of work. At other times, these trials of March brought with them intense grief and hopelessness. Like the time when you lose someone you love deeply, or when you decide to give up on a cherished endeavour, and the vast emptiness of life stares at you unblinking. The knowledge that things will never be the same hereon, and the fear of the deep void that you may plunge into without them. One March forever filled my life with joy, when I got to know that I was going to be a mother, and a big scare when I almost lost it in a freak accident.

March always brings out the most contemplative, philosophical side of me. This year too, it seems, will be no different. A part of me is completely dejected and mourning, as a task that I have put my heart and soul into, seems unable to reach fruition, and a part of me is super excited, wondering what all I could do when I start over on a clean slate. The realm of possibility that an empty canvas offers. A part of me is broken thinking of failure and 'what now', and a part of me is eager to let go and hop on the next bus to life's adventureland.

Every time I have wanted something desperately, God has tested me. No matter how much I struggle, burn or pray, God has played games and taken it away from me. Maybe I just wanted the wrong stuff. My effort though has never been in vain. I have emerged stronger with each loss, and learnt some very important life lessons along the way. And most importantly, I gave it my 100%, so I am left with no regret that I didn't try.

But, then, it always makes me think. What is the definition of success or failure? How much must one struggle, and what is the cost that we are willing to pay for it? We sacrifice our health, well-being, family to earn more money, get famous, achieve higher professionally. So that everyone can see our success and applaud. So that our egos stay fulfilled. What if my definition of success is being present for my children, and ensuring that my family is happy? What if my definition of success lies in raising myself spiritually and reaching a higher level of consciousness? These are not the things the world can measure. But  I can. Do you think Robin Williams was feeling successful the day he decided to commit suicide? I'm pretty darn sure he wasn't. What then is the price we must pay?

It is easy to fall into an abyss when you are struggling and everything seems to be going against you. But, we have all been equipped with a spirit that takes a lot to break. If we can find this spirit and detach ourselves from the outcome of our efforts, we can survive a lot in life. Never give up. Things will get better. We may not know it, but some things are not meant to be, and for a good reason. I'm sure you have at least once, looked back and thanked God for a wish that didn't come true. What a disaster it might have been. For a long time now, I have even stopped praying to God for specific things. I mostly just ask for good health for my family, and to do what is best for us. I do ask for strength to deal with it though ;)

Success and happiness are mutually exclusive. Being happy is a choice you can make everyday, whereas success is ephemeral. And in my experience, there are three things that are primal in staying happy. First is having minimal expectation from those around you. Then, everyone will be exceeding expectation, leaving little room for disappointment. Second is an attitude of gratitude. When we focus on the haves rather than the have nots, there will be much to be happy about. And third is to not compare. Social media has propelled us to a state where we are constantly comparing ourselves with the beautiful life of others. It's impossible that everyone has everything great in their lives. You do not know the struggle behind the smile. So stop comparing and start living.

And also, when we stop caring about 'log kya kahenge?', life becomes much simpler. Life is much so much more than that. So show the world a finger, and start living a life that makes more sense to you than it will ever make to anyone else.

To endings and new beginnings... Cheers.